Butt Naked in New Orleans!!!

You ain’t ready for this tale.... Today started out pretty good I woke up fairly early because of my back hurting (what’s new). As the day progressed my little stomach bug exorcism started to make itself known. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about with this new treatment has come some wicked side effects and sicknesss. So almost a week to the day of having treatment I will start have these severe stomach and lower abdominal cramps followed by nothing in this world could explain but an episode from Ghost Busters....

So not to be to graphic or detailed..., I finally just end up in the tub with shower running over me asking the Lord to let this demon out of me and eventually He does but.... maybe I should be more specific when asking how I want it to leave my body!!!  Lol

I digress... So today I am supposed to be getting ready for a concert in New Orleans that we got tickets for last Christmas. So needless to say my day isn’t very productive, I’m basically glued to the room of porcelain. I finally feel like I’m doing a little better so our whole crew piles in the car and we are off. We make it to Gulfport, MS before I start really hurting again and need to stop at the restroom. So we pull off on a exit and head to a gas station for should be a routine bathroom break. Well you should know by now that is not what’s about to unfold. I walk into the men’s restroom, first stall no toilet paper, second stall no toilet paper, I look around to see if there is anything by the sinks then my eye catches the hand dryer on the wall. Well this is just great! I walk out to get one of the three ladies working at the counters attention and it’s as if I am invisible. So I did what any good American would do. I turned around saw a little hot dog and nacho stand and low and behold God showed me a “ram in the bushes.” There was a small napkin dispenser by the hotdogs, so I grabbed it and walked back in the men’s restroom with these things time is of the essence lol

Well we make it back on the road and to New Orleans. We are pulling into downtown when my stomach starts to cramp and it ain’t letting up so I tell the crew I’m going to drop them off and go to the hotel and if I feel okay enough I will come join them. Here is where the climax of the story goes off the charts. I drop them off and head towards the hotel, still in a lot of pain. Well I am about two streets away from the hotel when my stomach starts to rumble and I go this isn’t going to be good and it wasn’t. I had been in the car for over an hour and not been able to go to restroom and it would appear my body was very upset with me about that. So my stomach says I’ll show you and not once, not twice but three times my stomach takes it revenge out on me and my shorts. Thank the good Lord I had enough fortitude to have placed a towel underneath me before I left the house just incase I ran into an emergency. So there I am in downtown New Orleans sitting at a red light like a baby that was fed stewed prunes for dinner. I go what I am going to do? I can’t sit in this car much longer it will ruin the seat.

- WARNING- this is the part of the story where I might have lost my mind and went rouge.

So I sprung into action. I saw a side road that was pretty dark and I pulled off the side of it and commenced my plan. I took my tennis shoes and socks off, turned all the lights off in the car, slowly opened the door and there was a trash can right by me. YEP folks your right. I took that towel around me and stripped those shorts and underwear off and threw them in the trash. In my mind there was no way of them coming back from that. So now I am butt naked in New Orleans and still haven’t made it to the hotel. Finally I pull into the hotel and the valet starts to come to the door of the car and I stop him mid way. I have my shirt pulled down to my knees like you used to do when you were a kid and your momma yelled at you because she said you would stretch it out. I explain a little bit of the situation to him and he so kindly gets my luggage out the trunk and brings me two towels to cover up with and leads me to the employee bathroom where I can clean up.

Well finally I am ready to check into the hotel. By this time everyone knows me and knows what has happened lol! So I walk to the front desk and the lady is so sweet in helping me and I finally make it to my room where I continued my Halloween exorcism into the wee hours of Wednesday.

You can’t make this stuff up and I definitely couldn’t keep this story to myself. I hope you got a lot of laughs and maybe peed on yourself a little (that would make me feel better) Life is short and things happen. Will you choose the laughter in the storms or let them take you down?

— Till next time! Love ya, RC3