Through the Eyes of the Spouse - The Diagnosis

On August 21, 2017, my life changed forever with Robert’s diagnosis of stage 4 colorectal cancer. Cancer isn’t a word you’re ever prepared to hear, regardless of age. However, those are words you definitely don’t expect to hear at 28 and 25. This story has been shared over the past few years but mainly from his perspective. 3 years later, I’ve decided to share my side of the story. 

Robert first started having issues in February of 2017. He went to his general doctor and was diagnosed with hemorrhoids.  When he asked about seeing a gastrointestinal (GI) doctor, Robert was told it wasn’t necessary because it was just hemorrhoids. Fast forward to August of 2017: The problems have continued but no new symptoms. Robert had a quartet singing in North Alabama on a Sunday evening. I decided not to go because school had just started back, and I was exhausted. I didn’t want to get home late either. There were other friends going so there was no need for me to go. 

Robert had been gone a few hours, and I received a phone call saying he was in excruciating abdominal pain and he needed to go to the ER. I was panicking. I am hours away from him. Why didn’t I go?! The ONLY time I didn’t go to one of his out of town singings and this happens!! We convinced them to bring him back to Mobile instead of a local small hospital. I packed a bag, called his mom, and she and I were waiting at the church when the bus pulled in. We drove to the ER. Robert had multiple tests run and after a long night, he was diagnosed with colitis and sent home. A prescription was given but the doctor said not to take it for the next few days. We went home and both of us went back to work the next day. He was still in pain but it wasn’t constant anymore. A few days later I get a call at work from Robert saying he was doubled over in pain and couldn’t stand up. He said, “I can’t keep having this pain.” I called his GP and requested a GI doctor referral. The nurse called back and said it would be 3 weeks before he could get in to see a GI doctor! THREE WEEKS!!! I explained the amount of pain he was in and what had proceeded this day. I then asked what we needed to do. She said go back to the same ER. So we packed up and went back again that Thursday evening. A few test were run again when he arrived and medicine given for pain. Then, the ER doctor wanted to send him home again! 

Let’s hit the pause button here for just a minute. If you haven’t caught on to the pattern here, I do not normally push back against what the doctors have said. However, I had enough and Robert could not continue on like this—unpause. 

I explained to the doctor Robert needed to see a GI before being released because he couldn’t get into see anyone for three weeks and he can’t live like this either. So, either he needed to get a GI doctor in now, or admit him. Robert was admitted that evening but there weren’t any beds available so he stayed in the ER and I went home. He was given a room later on Friday afternoon and the GI doctor made his initial rounds. I was at work but thankfully his mom was there with him. (Side bar—Please know I’m not a horrible wife that didn’t care he was in the hospital. It was the second week of school and I taught first grade. It is hard to miss at any point but especially the first few weeks of school. Robert and I agreed I should go to work on Friday and his mom would come sit with him.) The GI doctor said his symptoms and the diagnosis did not match up and he wanted to do a colonoscopy first thing Monday morning.

I stayed with Robert over the weekend in the hospital. That Monday was the solar eclipse day. If you don’t remember, it was a BIG deal and there were a lot of concerns about the safety of it. Because of this, I debated on taking off work. (Again, first weeks of school, solar eclipse with safety concerns, and me not being there to keep my precious littles safe was a lot.) I decided to get a very capable sub and take the day off to be with Robert. Boy, am I glad I did! First off, if you haven’t ever had to help someone prep for a colonoscopy or been the person preparing for the colonoscopy, let me tell you, it will bless your life. It was a long Sunday night prep. Liquid diets before followed by “the drink”. Robert was a picky eater so getting that drink down was not an easy task. Then comes the long night of restroom visits. At the beginning of the prep Robert asked the nurse, “is this going to make me throw up? Because I don’t throw up. That’s not my thing.” The nurse respond politely, “no, it’s not suppose to make it come up. It’s for the other end.” Fast forward a few hours as he is gaging in the restroom and looks back at me and says, “that nurse LIED!” It was all I could do to keep from laughing. Even at his sickest, Robert always had a way of keeping everyone around him laughing. 

The next day the colonoscopy was scheduled after the solar eclipse. So we (Robert, his mom and I) watched it from the hospital window. A short time later, transport came and wheeled Robert down to the GI lab. After the initial prep, we saw him for a few minutes then we walked to the waiting room. After a long time the intercom came on saying, “Will Robert Clifton’s Wife and family report to the nurses station.” They asked for all of us ,and I knew something was different. When other people were called back it was just for one family member. We rounded the corner, and I could see Robert’s face. I knew this man better than I know myself, and I could see something was horribly wrong. I lost it. I had not even made it across the room to him and I was uncontrollably sobbing. I knew something was wrong and that our lives were about to change, but I had no idea what was about to come. The doctor proceeded to tell us he found a mass in his colon that had already spread outside the colon wall to the lymph nodes. He said it was cancerous and was fairly certain it was signet ring cell cancer because of the way it formed around the colon. I cried even harder and tried to listen to what was being said. The doctor mentioned that colon cancer was no longer “an old persons disease,” and he had diagnosed someone with it as young as 18! When the doctor finished we were given paperwork detailing what they found and Robert was wheeled back upstairs. When we started to walk out, it was the first time I noticed the sweet nurses that had to witness this entire event of a young couple being told he had cancer. I could see it on their faces, this wasn’t easy for them either. 

We arrived back in his room and Robert said he needed a minute. His mom walked out to call his family. I sat there trying to process what was going on when I heard music playing from the bathroom. Worship songs. More specifically what Robert liked to call his “battle songs”. I could hear him praying, crying and singing. I was a puddle. I couldn’t fix it, and everything we had ever hoped and dreamed came crashing down around me. 

After he came out, we talked about who needed to be called first and hear the news directly from us. I called my parents and asked that no one else be informed until his sisters were told. His “baby sisters.” MY little sisters. How do you look your 17 and 15 year old sister in the face and tell them that “Bubby,” their hero has cancer? This day was so much to process in so little time. We woke up that morning and our biggest concern was which food Robert could eat after his colonoscopy, and if the solar eclipse was really as bad as they thought. Now, nothing is the same. 

After his sisters arrived at the hospital and we spent a little time together as a family, I stepped out to start making the phone calls we had discussed. After the phone calls were made, when he and I were alone, I remember crawling into the hospital bed with him. Both of just cried. It was the first time he and I were alone to process what just happened. My prayer as we cried wasn’t a very deep or spiritual one; I simply said, “God, just hold me.” Robert and I talked about many times through the cancer journey that we didn’t know how people could walk through it and not have the hope in Christ because the cancer diagnosis has a way of making you feel hopeless. After listening to “Hills and Valleys” and praying together, Robert said, “we have a choice right now of how we will respond to this as a family. You and I will choose to say, ‘not God, why me, but God USE Me!’” 

August 21, 2017,  was the first time my world along with everything I had planned, hoped, and dreamed was shattered, but it wasn’t the last time. This was just the beginning of our story, more specifically, my perspective of the story. Stay tuned for more at later date. 

P.S. Robert might have “lost” his battle on Earth to cancer but he did not lose. Christ is STILL greater than cancer!